Journal of an American Satanist

A novella from the unpublished series, 'American Satanist'

 

BY ANONYMOUS

 

 

 

Amber's Affirmation Journal

 

You are a winner Baby! I have a test today in calculus. I will get an 'A'. Marnie asked me yesterday if I would like to join the Yearbook committee. I'm so busy as it is but I told her I would think about it. I think she wanted an answer right away, but I'm sorry I'm in demand. I'm already in Choir, the Chemistry Club, Debate, Speech, Homecoming committee, National Honor Society, Raider Pep Team (When I have time) and Junior Prom committee.

You have to focus Baby. How am I going to get into a good school if I don't buckle down and keep my grades up. But of course a large number of activities looks good on the resume. I can do this.

As you know, the last Wednesday of each month is Chili night. Mother had to work late last night so Daddy made his special chili with deer meat. I really didn't care for it at first but, like everything else, I have acquired a taste for it as I've matured. Speaking of maturing, Daddy said he was real proud of me. He said I have really grown up to be a "beautiful young woman." That was so nice to hear. I had goose bumps when he told me. It was really nice to spend time with him, you know just the two of us. We talked for nearly two hours after dinner. I know I should have spent more time studying for my calculus test but I am confident I will get an 'A'.

I profess this day to vanquish my fears. I will be resilient, I will be strong and I will succeed.

-Amber Hoffman

 

Amber's Affirmation Journal

You are a winner Baby! That nerd Stewart asked me out yesterday. What a loser! I don't mind turning down boys but I wish they would have it least the wherewithal to know that I'm a little different. I'm out of their league and they should know that! He wanted to take me to Mankato to see a play at the university. I'm so bad, I interrupted him before he could tell me what the production was. I'm so ruthless. My friend Jenna said once she thought he was sort of cute but I deserve better. I know I do.

I just got back my term paper for Civics class. I received an A++. Two pluses!! Mr. Olson, as he was passing back the papers in class yesterday, said that I "did a great job!" he spoke loud enough so the whole class heard. I am so smart. I'm sorry humility is not my best attribute but winners aren't shy.

I helped out Josh yesterday after school in the library. It's part of the "Student-to-Student mentoring" program that I volunteered for last spring. I didn't know it was going to take up so much time. I'd like to say that is because Josh is so stupid but the fact is he doesn't have the discipline. My God, he's a sophomore and he still doesn't know the multiplication tables. He reads like a retard but there's something about him. He always smiles when he sees me. I wonder if he has the hots for me? I tried to make him buckle down but he is SO lazy!! If he put just a little more effort into his schoolwork he'd be OK but he doesn't care.

I have to give a speech today. I know what I'm going to say, it's about Nano technology. I should do very well.

I profess this day to vanquish my fears. I will be resilient, I will be strong and I will succeed.

-Amber Hoffman

 

Amber's Affirmation Journal

You're a winner Baby!! I woke up at 6:15 this morning so I'm writing this in biology. We had a test today and surprise! I finished early so I have a few minutes before the bell rings. I sent away for some information on some schools yesterday. I have to start getting serious about this. I would love to get accepted to either Rutgers, Northwestern, Princeton (please, please) or MIT. Mr. Sikowski didn't want to get my hopes up, but he said if I applied myself I may have an outside chance to get into MIT. I put out requests to many more schools so for now I'll keep my options open. What I don't want to do is settle for a Minnesota public college. Mr. Sikowski says if I can maintain my good marks in my science classes I should have no trouble getting into a good school.

I have a meeting after classes today with the Homecoming committee. We pretty much are all ready for the festivities, which are in two weeks. It's just a matter of tying up some loose ends. It's going to be a great homecoming. The whole school will be depending on you Baby. You can do it.

I profess this day to vanquish my fears. I will be resilient, I will be strong and I will succeed.

-Amber Hoffman

 

Amber's Affirmation Journal

You're a winner Baby! I started drinking coffee in the morning. It's 5:00 a.m. and it really gives me a quick jolt. I was studying late last night (as always) and I didn't hit the pillow until after midnight. I drink coffee down at the Coffeehouse every once in awhile. Usually in the form of a Latte or cappuccino. I used to hate the taste of it but now I kinda like it and the caffeine helps too.

The school counselor, Mr. Sikowski, talked to me yesterday about college. He thinks I should apply to Brown. It's an Ivy League school, which would be great, but I have my heart set on Princeton. I've applied to Princeton but I have yet to hear from them. Mr. Sikowski said he has a friend in the admissions department at Brown and that she would do what she could to get me in. I told him I was holding out for Princeton but he said "it doesn't hurt to apply, you can always change your mind." Mr. Sikowski has been really helpful so I think I will send in an application as a courtesy to him.

Sean asked me out to the movies on Friday. I accepted. He's kind of cute. I don't know him really well, although Roger knows him. I'll have to ask about him on Thursday night. I wonder if it will make Roger jealous? I hope it does.

You will have a great day!

I profess this day to vanquish my fears. I will be resilient, I will be strong and I will succeed.

-Amber Hoffman

 

 

 

Amber's Affirmation Journal

You're a winner Baby! Remember I mentioned that I would be going out with Sean. We went to see a movie called "Fear City 2," a horror movie which was awful. I don't have time to watch a lot of movies but this one was such a big waste of time. So unrealistic.

Sean asked me out again. I agreed. We just kissed. I'm not sure if I like him or not so I don't want to move too fast. You know give him the wrong idea.

Today's Saturday so of course I slept in. It's 10:00 a.m. right now and I'm on my second cup of coffee. I am so thankful the city library is open on Saturdays. I will be there until it closes at 5:00. I have to get as much information on the country of Spain. It's a term paper for my geography class. It's not due for five weeks but I want to get it out of the way before the end of the semester because I'll be getting an avalanche of tests. Mom and Dad are going out for dinner tonight in Mankato so I think I will order a pizza tonight from Calletti's.

I profess this day to vanquish my fears. I will be resilient, I will be strong and I will succeed.

-Amber Hoffman

 

Amber's Affirmation Journal

 

You're a winner Baby! Only a few weeks left. I can't believe it. I finished my term paper on Spain last night at about 1:00 a.m. I will hand it in this morning. I'm pretty confident I will be the first to get it done. I know I did well. I even had my father pick up some fancy paper to print it on. You know it's heavier than normal typing paper and it has a real nice shine to it.

We had our last meeting of the year for my Chemistry Club two days ago. We elected officers for the coming year and I was elected vice-president. I didn't even campaign for it but our advisor Mr. Lopez put my name up for nomination. To be honest, it helped that there were only two people on the ballot. It will look great on my resume though. Speaking of which, I sent another application in to Princeton. I hadn't heard from them so I thought maybe they lost my papers. I've narrowed my choices to Princeton and MIT. Mr. Lopez says my good grades in science and math will only help my chances to get into MIT but he told me not to get my hopes up because those kind of prestigious schools only accept a small percentage of applicants. He said MIT will be worse. But I disagree with him. I know I'm good enough to get into any of those schools. I'm confident I have what it takes. The few times I have fallen down I snapped back right away and I'm even stronger. I don't know where it comes from but this saying is so true, "whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger". Mark my words, I am going to shock the world!

I profess this day to vanquish my fears. I will be resilient, I will be strong and I will succeed.

-Amber Hoffman

 

 

 

 

 

Amber's Affirmation Journal

You're a winner Baby! Today is going to be a great day! Because I'm on the junior prom committee I will be setting up the gymnasium this morning for the big dance. I told myself that I would relax and have a good time. Roger and I will be going together. After he split with Carrie two months ago he has been giving me hints that he would like to date me romantically. I don't know how to handle it. I asked him to go to the prom since he said he hadn't planned on going anyway. I didn't have anyone to go with but since I'm part of the committee I have to be there anyway so we'll go as friends.

Mr. Lopez told me yesterday to write up a letter of recommendation and he would sign it. I already have about 15 letters of recommendation from teachers and people I've worked with in volunteer activities. I had asked him last fall for a letter of recommendation and he forgot about it. I should have written it up myself in the first place. Normally I like my teachers but why are they so lazy and incompetent? If I'm going to get anywhere in life I'm going to have to rely on one person: myself. I am the only one I can depend on. Only you Baby!

I profess this day to vanquish my fears. I will be resilient, I will be strong and I will succeed.

-Amber Hoffman

 

 

 

 

 

Amber's Affirmation Journal

You are a Senior Baby!! Yesterday was the final day of school. I have successfully fulfilled my obligations to complete my junior year of High School. So technically today I am a senior. I start my new job today. I just told my mom last night about it even though I've known about it for a week. The extra money will be nice. I'll be working at Grady's making specialty coffee drinks and clearing tables. Because it's kind of a hang out for everyone, I assume I will be able to keep up on all the gossip during the summer while school is out.

Speaking of which, I have to wait for my final grades. I'm pretty confident I aced all my final exams except for philosophy. Mr. Reinhart has been such an ass. On my last paper he gave me a B-. Can you believe that!? B minus!! I went and talked to him about it and he wouldn't budge. We never have tests per se in that class, it's basically all term papers. I asked him what I did wrong and he accused me of not reading the questions. I spent two long evenings working on it! I thought I answered the questions completely. I'm nervous about my final paper. If he gives me another B-minus that could give me a B for the course and threaten my 4.0 GPA. I'm getting upset just writing about it. I swear, if he screws me out of a 4.0 I'm going to kill him.

You're still strong Baby!

I profess this day to vanquish my fears. I will be resilient, I will be strong and I will succeed.

-Amber Hoffman

 

 

Amber's Affirmation Journal

I was afraid this was going to happen. It was waiting for me when I came home at 11:30 p.m. from my shift at Grady's. I knew it was coming. I've spent so much time working for this and then it all comes crashing down. I was "refused admission" at Princeton. I didn't get to sleep until after 3:00 a.m. I swear to you, I felt physically ill since I read the news. I haven't eaten anything. I don't even think I could hold down a cup of coffee.

I haven't talked to Mom and Dad yet. I'm sure they'll be anxious to hear what was in the letter. I know they'll say it doesn't matter to them but I'm not looking forward to telling them. I think I can honestly say this is the first time in my life where I feel like a failure. I hate this feeling. I hate it!

I feel too upset to say this but I know I must:

I profess this day to vanquish my fears. I will be resilient, I will be strong and I will succeed.

-Amber H.

 

Amber's Affirmation Journal

You are a winner, Baby! I'm almost over Princeton. Maybe not. I feel better though when I don't think about it. I actually called Mr. Sikowski to see if he could contact his friend at Brown University (it's not Princeton, but at least it's an Ivy League school). He thought I had submitted an application already. I meant to but I figured what was the point? I was going to Princeton anyway. Nevertheless, he said he would call her immediately. I filled out my application last night and after I'm finished here, I'm going to drop it in the mailbox.

I've been seeing someone lately. Steve Torgelson is in my class and he's real smart. He started coming into Grady's at night. We talk every night. He asked me to go to a party in the country. It was fun, there were a lot of people from my class. I think it's starting to dawn on everyone that our days together are numbered. After we graduate next year, everybody will go their separate ways.

Make it a good day Baby!

I profess this day to vanquish my fears. I will be resilient, I will be strong and I will succeed.

-Amber Hoffman

 

Amber's Affirmation Journal

YOU ARE A WINNER, BABY!! I'm running late so I'm going to make it brief. It's hard to get up at 10 minutes to 5 in the morning when I work the evening shift at Grady's. I'm in the third week of my senior year and I don't know if I can keep this up. No, I do know. I will keep this up. I can do this. Daddy didn't raise a quitter. I'm feeling more awake now. The caffeine helps. Really, right now, my only enemy is time. I can do it on just a few hours of sleep. I know I can.

I profess this day to vanquish my fears. I will be resilient, I will be strong and I will succeed!!

-Amber Hoffman

 

Amber's Affirmation Journal

Failure is not an option Amber!

Finals are in one week. To be honest, I'm too tired to be nervous. I must overcome. I was up until 1:30 in the morning catching up in my Trig class. I am embarrassed to say I have fallen a couple of days behind, which is not good. I was totally lost yesterday in class.

Randy Meyer asked me out yesterday. It was a total surprise even though I've been flirting with him during our English Composition class all semester long. We talked a lot during class but to be honest, I hadn't thought about it any further. Steve has'nt called me in almost a month. I said 'Hi' to him the other day and he totally ignored me. What an Ass!!

I thought Randy would already be with somebody although I don't know who it would be since I've never seen him with anyone. He is pretty hot though. I know he's a jock because I've seen him at the football games and last winter I saw him wearing the Raider hockey jersey so he must be on the team. I really like him, he makes me laugh. Hopefully, everything will turn out OK.

Have a great day Baby!

I profess this day to vanquish my fears. I will be resilient, I will be strong and I will succeed.

-Amber Hoffman

 

 

 

Amber's Affirmation Journal

You're a winner, Baby! My first semester grades weren't as bad as I had suspected. I received all A's except for one, which I don't want to talk about. I'm really looking forward to Christmas vacation. I have two term papers, which are due in January, and I am embarrassed to say I haven't started either of them. Since it's my day off tomorrow I'm going to run to the library after school and get a head start on them.

Randy called last night after work and we talked until 1:00 a.m. I think I'm falling in love. Can you believe it? I'm actually becoming a hockey fan! I've seen all of his home games so far this season.

I'm learning how to budget. I've saved up $300 to spend on Christmas presents. When am I going to find time to go shopping? I think I'll drop a hint to Randy about driving to the Mall of America one day in the next week. That would be real fun. I hope my mother lets me go. What am I thinking, I'm the perfect daughter. The time is getting away from me so I must get myself ready for school.

You will succeed Baby!

I profess this day to vanquish my fears. I will be resilient, I will be strong and I will succeed.

-Amber Hoffman

 

 

 

 

 

Amber's Affirmation Journal

Christmas Eve Morning

I'm celebrating today because I've completed my term paper in Foreign Policy and I'm almost done with my Advanced Biology paper. I purposely worked on my Foreign Policy assignment first because I knew it would be more difficult for me. I should be able to finish my biology term paper on Deformed Frogs in Central Minnesota in no time at all.

I have to work the early shift at Grady's today because of the holiday. Randy and I went to a party last night. There weren't too many people there. Pretty small, it was at Randy's friend, Kyle's house. His parents were out of town.

Mother wants me to go to the midnight service tonight. We're opening presents tomorrow morning before going to Granddad's house in Litchfield.

I profess this day to vanquish my fears. I will be resilient, I will be strong and I will succeed.

-Amber Hoffman

 

 

Amber's Affirmation Journal

You are still a winner Baby! He won't talk to me. I thought he was different, not like Steve. Steve was and still is a jerk. I know Randy hasn't talked to me in class the past few days which isn't a big deal because I'm always so busy anyway. But he hasn't called me in over a week. I waited for him outside the ice arena on Monday night and he just walked by me. We were having such a good time. I'm thinking of calling him tonight if he doesn't speak to me in school today. If he just says "Hi" to me I will definitely call him tonight. I hope he talks to me today.

He says he is going to the University of Minnesota to become a veterinarian like his dad. You know I haven't mentioned it to anyone but I was seriously debating whether to go to the University myself. The way things have been going I may have to settle anyway. I don't know if they have told my parents or not, but Mr. Lopez pulled me aside a couple of days ago and told me there is an investigation about me. Somebody caught me cheating on my Trig exam. Ms Lawrence didn't see me but somebody else did. I didn't tell Mr. Lopez if I had cheated or not (although I acted as if the charge was preposterous). He said he wasn't supposed to tell me but he thought I should know. I don't think he believes I did, which is a relief.

What's funny about the whole thing is that I'm more concerned about losing Randy than getting punished for cheating. I'm so bad.

I can get through this. You are resilient Baby and a winner!

I profess this day to vanquish my fears. I will be resilient, I will be strong and I will succeed.

-Amber Hoffman

 

Amber's Affirmation Journal

You're a winner Baby! (No matter what anybody says) Randy still didn't talk to me yesterday. I thought about calling him up last night but I lost my nerve. I purposely walked by his locker three times today and he totally ignored me. I guess we're over. Get over it Baby, you've got bigger problems at the moment anyway.

Mr. Lopez called me last night while I was at work. Mother left me a note but it was too late to call him back. It took me awhile to get to sleep last night. I was so worried about what Mr. Lopez has to say. It must've been pretty important for him to call me at home and at night. I suppose I should go right to his room the first thing today, but I'm afraid about what he's going to say.

Be strong Baby! Do not be afraid of anything. You're innocent. Besides, why would the smartest girl in school cheat? No one would ever believe it! You will overcome because you are a winner.

I profess this day to vanquish my fears. I will be resilient, I will be strong and I will succeed.

-Amber Hoffman

 

Amber's Affirmation Journal

Nobody can tear you down Baby because you are a winner!! I finally caught up with Mr. Lopez today during his free hour during third period. He said that the administration is reviewing the accusations but no decision had been made. He repeated to me again that I should not tell anyone that he told me about the investigation. He said he could get reprimanded or even fired. I promised that I wouldn't. I begged him to tell me who the person was who has "accused" me of cheating. He said he wouldn't tell me that but he said he thinks the person has a grudge against me.

He did give me some good news. He said that he would be conducting the investigation and that he doesn't believe I did it. I asked him if this would affect my admittance into a good college and he said that's why we are keeping it a secret. He told me not to say anything to anybody. I definitely will not tell anyone anything.

You can get through this because you are a winner, Amber, you will overcome this.

I profess this day to vanquish my fears. I will be resilient, I will be strong and I will succeed.

-Amber Hoffman

 

 

Amber's Affirmation Journal

You are a winner Baby!!

You definitely are a winner Amber, you go girl! I have had this piece of paper for seven hours and I still can't put it down. It reads: "Dear Ms Hoffman, we are pleased to announce that you have been accepted into the undergraduate program at Brown University..."

I am on Cloud 9. Did anyone say Ivy League?

I saw the letter on the kitchen counter last night when I came home from Grady's. I didn't want to open it at first, I've been getting so much bad news lately that I didn't think I could tolerate any more negativity. But I made up my mind that I would have to live with what ever happens. You have to stand up to fear Baby. When I read the letter I purposely screamed real loud so that it would wake up Mom and Dad. I don't think they minded. Daddy says we will have to celebrate this weekend.

You are the envy of everyone because you are a winner!

I profess this day to vanquish my fears. I will be resilient, I will be strong and I will succeed.

-Amber Hoffman

 

 

Amber's Affirmation Journal

You know you're a winner. I can't believe there are only a few short months before I will officially be a high school graduate. I know I shouldn't act like it's such a big deal because really it's just High School. I have bigger mountains to conquer (Ivy League here I come).

Mr. Lopez talked to me yesterday. I purposely have been avoiding him so he doesn't think I'm trying to influence him. Then he may know I did it. He tracked me down between classes and said he was finished with the investigation. He said he would recommend no action be taken so the case would be closed.

I asked him if there would be any permanent record that would say that an investigation had occurred. He said that he would shred his notes but that there would be a one-line note in my confidential file that did say an investigation was conducted after an accusation was made. Fortunately no one should be able to access that information.

So I guess that's the end of that.

I saw Randy during lunch yesterday. He didn't acknowledge me but I just had to tell him about Brown. He didn't blow me off right away. In fact he actually congratulated me. I was hoping for a little more response but that's the way it goes. What were you expecting Baby? A marriage proposal. I refuse to let him bring me down. I have bigger concerns. I'm better than this town anyway.

I profess this day to vanquish my fears. I will be resilient, I will be strong and I will succeed.

-Amber Hoffman

 

 

 

Amber's Affirmation Journal

 

I feel like I'm the smartest, most powerful person in the world. No one can stop me. Let me write that again. No one can stop me. My power is limitless.

All my hard work has paid off. And I deserve it!

But I can't be lethargic, I must keep the eye on the ball. I must close the deal, as Daddy would say.

Mr. Sikowski says depending on how my finals come out, I should be a shoe-in for class Salutatorian. Of course I would've preferred Valedictorian but Steve has had that wrapped up since 10th grade. I'm not jealous...OK I am. But the guy does nothing but study. Besides, he was born with greatness, his family has ruled this town for ages.

I'm not concerned. I'll take on Steve any day because I have the animal instinct. I'm a fighter.

I profess this day to vanquish my fears. I will be resilient, I will be strong and I will succeed.

-Amber Hoffman

 

 

Amber's Affirmation Journal

The police were called last night. Someone had broken into the house. They busted a basement window and crawled in. I was sound asleep and didn't hear anything. My mother heard a voice and woke Daddy. He heard it too and decided to call 911. He couldn't get a dial tone so he used his cellphone to get a hold of the police.

It took awhile for the cops to get here so the intruder was gone by the time they arrived. They did a search of the house and discovered that the phone line had been cut. That's why Daddy couldn't get the dial-tone when he tried to call 911.

The police don't know who broke in. They didn't even dust for fingerprints. They said it was probably someone who was looking to steal something. I haven't gone back to bed. Daddy says they broke in about 2:00 a.m. and I went to sleep at 1:00 a.m. It's 5:45 a.m. now and I have to get ready for school.

We looked all over the house but we didn't find anything missing so that's good. The cops said we should install a security system.

I profess this day to vanquish my fears. I will be resilient, I will be strong and I will succeed.

-Amber Hoffman

 

 

Amber's Affirmation Journal

I made a point to seek out Mr. Sikowski and thank him for helping me get in to Brown. I don't know how much it helped that his friend was working in the Admissions department but I think it's best that I make sure I show some gratitude to the ones that have helped me. I hate to have something come back to haunt me because I was so lazy and I didn't think to acknowledge someone who believed in me.

Mr. Sikowski told me to call him when I became a big success. I surely will.

I went with some friends to Mankato for shopping last night (I had a day off at Grady's). We went to the Mall and shopped for clothes. I picked up a sweater for a really great price (Closeout sale-it was out of season).

There's only three weeks until graduation. I cannot believe it! Before I know it I'll be a big college girl at Brown. The first Hoffman to go to college. I don't think Daddy realizes how big a deal Brown is. I think he would be happy with Gustavus Adolphus. I love him, if it wasn't for him I don't think I'd be here. And Mom has been great too. I don't think she, as a first-generation immigrant, knows how significant college (and an Ivy League college at that) can affect your status in society.

I profess this day to vanquish my fears. I will be resilient, I will be strong and I will succeed.

-Amber Hoffman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Amber's Affirmation Journal

As you can tell, I didn't write in this on Sunday. I'm so embarrassed to say this but I didn't get out of bed until 9:45 a.m. I had the biggest headache I have ever had in my life. I went out with some friends on Saturday to a party out in the country. It was actually in the river valley with a lot of trees. A forest. I'm all right now but I was basically useless all day Saturday. My mom brought me some chicken soup, believing I had a cold, but I flushed it down the toilet. I wasn't able to hold anything down even if I wanted to. I hope she doesn't see that I didn't consume it.

I had an interesting time at the party. Randy was there. We actually talked but I can't remember what he said (I hope he could understand what I said). 

It has been fun spending time with my classmates. We don’t have much time left. Daddy says that I will be surprised how that after graduation everyone will sort of disappear. I hope that doesn’t happen to us. To be honest, I haven't had a lot of true friends in high school. I've had many acquaintances but not a lot of close friends. I think maybe I'm too driven. I think Amy has taught me in an offhanded sort of way that a social life is just as important as ambition. A part of me wishes I had more friends years ago.

I profess this day to vanquish my fears. I will be resilient, I will be strong and I will succeed.

-Amber Hoffman

 

Tom

Part ONE

 

 

 

It was the summer between my freshman and sophomore years at college when I knew that I would have a significant role in the third coming of the Star Child*. No one had any idea that the opportunity would arise, you could say it was more of a hopeful myth that eventually the day would come when the demonic forces would converge and yield such an occurrence. But come it did and I was there to witness it. What is even more remarkable was that I knew about it years before it happened.

I had made a friend in the winter of my freshman year, David Olsen. We had met on the first day of practice on an intramural basketball team. We both came from rural farming areas, so we both had a sort of mutual hick kinship, a down-home aura that differentiated the two of us from everyone else. He wasn't a member of the Circle unfortunately and of course he had no idea of my background with the group. So most of the time I hung out with a few of his buddies at his apartment near campus. It wouldn't do him any good to be around my frat house, since most of my brothers were pretty antagonistic towards outsiders and the fun quotient would be fairly low. David and I got along well however, and except for my involvement with the Circle, we shared parallel backgrounds. We both took similar classes in high school and we were also former members of the FFA, we liked sports, although we were smart enough to know we couldn't compete on a college level.

The main reason why Dave played into my role in finding out why I knew about the Star Child was because he had invited me back to his hometown, a rural city of about 12,000 called River Rock, for a couple of weeks after spring finals. I was to take a trip to Europe to attend Mystery school in Marseilles in two weeks. The trip would last most of the summer and I had two weeks to kill before departing. It really wasn't long enough to secure a job, surprisingly I didn't have any money problems at the time-a healthy college trust fund took care of that, and most of my frat buddies were either home already or were in the process of heading out for the summer. I didn't feel like heading back to my hometown for the two weeks-mother was in one of her "moods" again and I had no idea what my old high school buddies were up to either. That's when Dave suggested I go home with him to River Rock. He had a job lined up from his uncle working at a loading dock for a trucking company. He worked days, which was great because, he said, 'we could swill beer and hit on all the high-school girls' at the many graduation parties that were just beginning to rev up at night.

My only problem for the next two weeks would be trying to find something to occupy myself for the morning and afternoons when Dave was at his job. I figured I'd sleep-in for half the day then catch up on my reading. I noticed that my fiction reading dropped way down while I was away at college for my first year. Every time I thought of reading a book, I would get guilty because I had so many piles of laborious nonfiction reading assignments to catch up on for my classes.

Dave's parents really didn't care how much partying we did or how late we came home, but they insisted that we attend church services at the Calvary Lutheran Church on Sunday mornings. It wasn't such an outlandish request; I had enough experiences going to church every Sunday for years that it wasn't much of a nuisance. Since my family were considered 'Dual-Sect' members of the Circle, I had my fill of ceremonies, rituals and countless church services throughout my life. "Dual-sect" means that we were members of both the Circle and the more mainstream church. On the whole, dual-sect initiates, at least in Europe and America, believe that Jesus Christ is the son of Satan. That's why you see so many Circle initiates wearing crosses. To us, the cross is just as sacred as the pentagram or the Hemot.

The Hemot*, which is usually referred to as the Black Heart, is worn around the neck of female members of the Sect, it has actually become quite pervasive in the Circle community since the pentagram is now worn by everybody from celebrities to dirty punk kids who claim they are full blown Satan worshipers. Those of us in the Circle would always laugh at those clicks they have in every high school; they would bang their heads listening to heavy metal music and then talk about how they were going to sacrifice a dog to the moon the next weekend. Most of us were jocks or on the preppy side in high school, it was always very tempting to pull those idiots aside and tell them how confused they were. I always wanted to bring them to a real satanic ritual at one of the larger temples in the Twin Cities; I could see them shitting their pants at the immensity of the movement. They think they're being unique and original but in reality most of them were just another pathetic soul trying to attach themselves to something so overwhelming and elite that they could never, in their wildest dreams, assume the privileges of such an Order.

The Black Heart, if you can find an authentic one, is distinguished by the three tiny droplets of blood located just off center of the pendant. It's quite in vogue for Dual-Sect women to wear it in public because it's rather nondescript, they put the heart on a chain and wear it around their neck. Your average John Q. Public doesn’t recognize the significance of the charm, so women can wear it without the threat of disclosing their beliefs. The Pentagram, though important, is less displayed by Dual-Sect members because of its notorious reputation. Believe it or not, you are more likely to see us wearing a crucifix. Not only is the Christian symbol commonplace and won't arouse attention needlessly, but it exudes tremendous esoteric power dating back to its enigmatic roots.

My story concerning the Star Child began when I thought I saw the Black Heart around the neck of a girl who was at Sunday Services at Calvary Church in River Rock. I didn't see it right away, only until the congregation began emptying out of the nave. She dressed conservatively, wearing a white flowery dress that went down to her ankles. I noticed her right away because she came in with her parents rather late, and instead of sitting on one of the back pews in which there were plenty available since this being the start of summer, they chose to haughtily march to the front of the sanctuary and plant their behinds smack dab in the first row.

I was immediately attracted to the girl from the start, she had long reddish blond hair that was curled ever so slightly, as if her late winter permanent was beginning to wear off. Throughout the service, she swung her curls back whenever she bowed her head to read from the program, sing a hymn or pray. We were a good 12 rows behind them which was all right, since no one was sitting between us except for a few on the far side and I had a clear shot of her for the whole service. I don't know why, but at the time I took note of the fact that when she and her parents went up to the altar for communion, her mother exulted 'Amen!' so loud I'm sure if you sat in the very back pew and had a significant hearing problem, you would have had no trouble making out what she said. At the conclusion of the service she and her parents were the first to file out so I caught a brief glimpse of her again. I tried to focus on her face but at the last minute she zeroed in on me and I looked away. I could've sworn I saw her wearing the Black Heart. Now I know it looks like any other form of jewelry. But that’s only for the lay person. If you know what a Black Heart is and what it symbolizes you can definitely differentiate it from the thousands of other amulets out there. Even though it was a brief glimpse I was almost certain about what I saw.

After the service, Dave and I rode back to his place to change out of our church clothes and into shorts. A few high-school graduation parties had been scheduled for the afternoon and we were intent on hitting every one of them. Dave was one of those guys who had more younger friends than those of his own age. It's pretty commonplace to have friends a year older, or a year younger, since a lot of the time everybody shares the same classes. I couldn't tell you how popular he was, because in college popularity tends to go out the window anyway, along with the letter jacket and the prom sweetheart, but Dave seemed to like the idea of coming back to his hometown to show off his new status as collegian. I tried my best to fit in, striking up conversations with some of the new graduates.  I didn't get laid, if you were wondering.  Partly because I think the girls were more concerned with staying around their friends and milking their last 'good-byes' for as long as possible and partly because I was still thinking of that girl at church. I wondered if my quick glance deceived me or maybe she truly was a member of the Circle. I also found myself thinking about Sela, we had taken one of our 'leaves' from each other a few weeks before finals. I was to see her in Europe at Mystery School, and I guess I was debating the idea of breaking clean from her or not. But as the day wore on, however, my mind kept going back to thoughts of that church girl with the long flowing hair and the conservative dress that went down to her ankles.

Dave was up and gone by the time I rolled out of bed the next morning. Both his parents and younger brother were away at work too, so I had the whole place to myself. River Rock was a river town as the name suggests; two rivers intersected there which was probably why the city was larger than it should have been. They lived in a refurbished one hundred year-old home a few blocks off the city's main street. Unlike other towns, the town fathers had made an aggressive effort to keep the main shopping district downtown, even at the expense of economic development. Over the past year, Dave's father had sold his farm and got a job working at the Clover Meadow Cheese Factory in town. The downtown was remarkably clean and at least 90% of the storefronts were occupied. I had my car along for the trip, so I drove downtown to a Cafe for breakfast. Since I was hitting the place at 11:30 in the morning, you could say I would be eating lunch. I let it slip to the waitress that I had just stumbled out of bed an hour before. She flashed me a look of mock incredulity, then, extending her thin index finger to a line just below the heading on the laminated menu, she mentioned that breakfast was served all day. I took coffee, and opted against the pancakes for the daily noon special which was chili and grilled cheese.

I sat with my chair facing the wall looking around for a newspaper. I spotted a well-read copy of the sports section from the Minneapolis Star Tribune. I scanned the headlines for the score of the previous day's Twins game, as luck would have it, the Twins had played an uncharacteristic Sunday night game on the west coast and the game wasn't over by the time the State edition went to press. Typically, the scores from West Coast games made the latest edition of the Minneapolis paper, but the Twins game against the Angels had started at 8:00 p.m. Central time which was too late to make the early edition of the paper that went out to the rural areas.

The waitress brought over an insulated pitcher of coffee and poured me a cup, then left the pitcher on the table. I turned the page of the paper to look for Sid Hartman's column but he wasn't writing that day. A couple of farmers were making loud conversation at the counter, near a glass case of stale donuts.

"I fed those hogs out in three months," one said to the other, "and it wasn't the corn, no, it was super-feed."

"Whatdya use concentration or something?" the other guy wondered.

"Super feed- my own special blend-got it down at the co-op feed store."

"Who mixed that for ya?"

"L.P."

"Who?"

" L.P. You know, Lane Pierson."

"Oh yah," the other roared back in delayed recognition, "Oh yah, he's a good guy."

"You betcha-I call that in the first thing in the morning, damn if he ain't out there before lunch."

I smiled at his reference to lunch, in Minnesota "lunch" means that coffee break people have between breakfast and the meal people have at noon, only the "Minnesota lunch" is usually a meal within itself. I found this out from my days in high school when I helped a neighbor bale hay. I ended up eating so much food during the coffee break that I was bloated the rest of the day.

"Yah-I even tried my luck feeding out a couple of feeder calves-L.P. knew what to give em'... Had em' butchered last winter, darn good." He turned his attention back to his steaming cup of coffee that he had propped in his hand under his chin, he turned toward his friend and spoke again as if the point needed emphasizing, "and it was good too."

It was funny listening to them banter back and forth--it reminded me of Sela and how she would always preach about her vegetarianism. I don't think she was a full-blown vegetarian, I mean I've seen her eat meat before. She was really into it during college when she flirted for a time about becoming a Wiccan. Someone told me later her grandmother was part of an ancient witch's coven-which surprised me since I never met a Circle initiate, other than Sela of course, who was also a witch. I'm sure there's some similarities between the two religions, just like there are between the Christian faith and the Sect, but from what I could gather with what little I learned from my Circle teachings, the two groups are pretty divergent. Especially in man's relationship to man.

Sela would always argue that vegetarianism was the best way to live your life. She argued that not only was it better for your health, but that if all the people of the world were to live a vegetarian lifestyle, "no child on earth would go hungry." This she used time and time again against my frat brothers when they would get in their famous discussions. Sela said that the large amounts of vegetation it took it to grow a cow or a pig was so great that the soil could be used far more efficiently to grow vegetables to feed people.

It was comments like that that made me wonder if she understood the basic tenets of the Circle philosophy. In some ways, she could be real insightful, but in other ways she was just so naive.

My food came and, even though I really didn't have anything else to do, I quickly got out of the cafe before the noon rush. I decided to take a stroll down Main street. The business district stretched for about six blocks, quite large for a rural city. I skipped the series of clothing stores and found a small used bookstore. It looked like the owner was manning the counter, he asked if I would like to order a "fancy coffee drink." I assumed he meant a cappuccino or espresso, but I begged off and continued on my walk down the main street. I came across another bookstore, the sign above said something in foreign lettering, then 'Books' in English. I discovered later that the city of River Rock was settled by Norwegian immigrants and the Chamber of Commerce encouraged businesses to play on their Nordic heritage to attract tourists. I stepped in. The store was all new books, plus a sizable comic book section. As I looked over the selection, a thin, bearded man with glasses asked if I needed any help.

"Like the comic books do ya?"

"Yeah," I said, "haven't bought much lately though-I've been in college for the past year so my reading time has been pretty much booked up," he smiled and suggested I might check in the back of the store.

"If you can't find what you need there, I have loads of back issues in the store room."

I found a pair of 1970's era "Richie Rich" Comics and a dog -eared copy of a book of classic Batman comics. I paid him, then went back outside. I walked along the storefronts, just looking curiously around, veering my eyes towards the window displays until something would catch my eye. A couple blocks down, I stopped immediately when I glimpsed a white electric guitar in the window of a store called 'Chords & More'. One of the things I wished I had done when I was wasting my time in high school was to learn how to play the guitar and start a rock band. I always loved music, the summer after graduation I met some friends who set up a small practice stage in an abandoned hog barn. They would have parties out there just about every weekend, they played a few gigs here and there too, but most of the performances were out at that farm.

When I finally stepped inside the Music Shop, I realized that it was more of a Christian Book Store-the shelves were filled with religious trinkets and Bibles, with a few instruments set up in the back, but not enough to make a stop be worth my while. I was about to make a quick exit, when I caught the attention of a middle-aged woman with shoulder length hair and an overly bright smile.

"Can I help you find anything?" she asked.

"No, thank you, I'm just looking."

"Okay, feel free to look around, may God be with you," she said, then returned to dusting off some porcelain angels on a glass shelf display. I thought I'd better spend at least a few minutes browsing before moving on. I made my way to the back of the store where the music instruments were. Most of it was school band instruments. I gazed at the drum kit that was set out, before focusing on the two electric guitars that were hanging from the ceiling. I strummed the strings with my thumb; the guitar swayed uneasily from a hook attached to the ceiling. I quickly pulled my hand away…

"You break it you bought it."

I turned back, embarrassed, "I'm sorry, I won't touch it again."

My words came out before I realized who she was; it was that girl at church from the day before, the one with the Black Heart pendant.

"Don't worry about it. If you want, I can take it down if you're interested in playing it."

"Uh," my mind was still thinking about her, "sure, that'd be great."

She smiled and came closer to me. She was wearing a similar dress to the day before, ankle length-she had her long blond strawberry tinted hair bound in a large ponytail.

"Didn't I see you at church yesterday?" I asked.

"At Calvary?" she replied.

"Yes."

"You must have been at the 10:30 service-I can never make it up in time for the 8 a.m. I guess I need my beauty sleep or something."

I discreetly tried to look to see if she was still wearing the Black Heart around her neck. I didn't think I imagined it the day before, but she definitely wasn't wearing one today--all she had around her neck was a silver-dollar sized crucifix.

"Are you a member?" she asked.

"No, actually, I was there with a friend's family-I just finished classes at the U."

"Oh-You go to college-I'll be starting in the fall."

"Where you going?" I asked as she handed me the guitar.

"Minnesota State."

"Good school, I have a few friends that go there."

"What brings you to River Rock?"

I gently strummed the strings on the guitar, not knowing what the hell I was doing; "I had a couple of weeks before I leave on a trip to Europe, so a friend invited me down to your fair City."

"Who's that?"

"Dave Olsen-do you know him?"

"I know who he is, he graduated last year."

I quit trying to play the guitar, since it was obvious I knew nothing about it and concentrated more on the conversation we were having, "so, you work here?"

"No, I was just walking by and I thought I would come in and help assist customers."

I hit the palm of my hand onto my forehead then self deferentially quipped, "Stupid question!" It made her smile.

"What's your name?" I asked.

"Heather, my mom owns the place. I mostly come in down here in the summer when I don't have too much going on with activities and things."

"That's nice of you," I replied, "how late does she make you work?"

"What's your name?" Heather asked before I could finish asking the question.

"Tom."

"I work until she needs me, usually about 6, 7:00 o'clock, we close at five, most everything does here-that's small towns for ya."

"Have you been hitting the graduation parties?"

"A few, most of my friends have either already had them or will have them this weekend."

I began to wonder if she was a true Bible thumper-one who won't go to all the parties where there would surely be drinking.

"I was going to say I would probably see you at one of the parties tonight, but it doesn't sound like you will be going."

"I don't know if I can make it."

I assume she was beginning to brush me off.

"Okay, well I..."

"Maybe I'll see you tonight at the Coffee Shop," she offered.

"Coffee Shop?"

"Yeah, well it's really a Coffee House. It's right across the street. I'll see if I can't get away," then she whispered in a hushed tone, "my parents are kind of strict."

I smiled, somewhat in relief that she wasn't giving me the cold shoulder, "Okay, that would be great."

I awkwardly handed her the guitar and said goodbye. She turned to me and smiled. As I left the store, I believe it was her mother who said, "please come again, God bless."

When Dave came home later that afternoon, I told him I met a chick and would try to catch up with him later. I figured if she was all for it I would take her to one of the parties that were sure to go on tonight. I made sure I brought my cellphone to the coffeehouse. Normal practice during graduation season would be to cruise the main strip of town until you found someone you knew. In River Rock, most everyone would meet at either the far end of the parking lot of Terry's High-Valu supermarket or the other spot was a vacant city lot that lay in the center of town. It was similar to my hometown and I guess it was pretty much how most small towns are. Dave and I cruised back and forth between the supermarket and city lot for about a half hour until he saw a couple guys from his Legion Baseball team. They told of a party on a farm just outside of town. Dave dropped me off downtown before heading out there himself. I thought I would get to the coffeehouse a little early. Heather said she would try to be there at 7:00. I took a book along and made it there by 6:30. I figured I would play up a sophisticated college image by being well engrossed in a book by the time she stopped in. Of course that plan was foiled from the moment I stepped into the place. Heather was leisurely sitting in one of the plush worn sofas, sipping a latte and reading a National Geographic. Her choice of periodicals made me chuckle, I assume she was trying to present an image as well.

We talked some more, she didn't seem to be too keen on going to any of the parties, which was fine. After 4 cups of coffee over two and a half hours she asked me to walk her home. She lived up the hill from downtown-a good short walk that took us about 20 minutes to make. I was beginning to think the adventure was all for naught when I turned to give her a hug goodbye near a large spruce tree in front of her house. I was stunned momentarily when she practically threw herself against me, we embraced and kissed for a few long seconds then made plans to see each other the next day. I told her I would stop into the Chords & More store to say 'Hi!' and to decide what we would do.

I called Dave from my cellphone, but he was too drunk to come and get me so I was stuck walking back to his house.

The next day I woke up late, again, then made it in to see Heather at the store about 1:00 p.m. Her mother paid particular attention to me. Which meant Heather must've mentioned me to her. I felt her eyes upon me the whole time I was there. The thought of those leering eyes boring into the back of my skull almost made me miss noticing the Black Heart pendant dangling from Heather's neck, she hadn't worn it the night before. I was almost positive that other, non-Circle members never wore the black heart amulet. At that point in time, I had never met anyone who did, but I still questioned myself whether Heather knew the significance of what she was wearing. As many Christian people who are devout followers of Satan, I could see someone giving her the pendant as a joke since she obviously comes from such a religious family. But then again, I'd look to my own family's persona, who are as near fanatical about Jesus as any overly devout Christian. So I guess it was possible and in retrospect I guess that's why I was so fascinated with her. If nothing else, getting to know her to just satisfy my own curiosity.

I offered to take Heather out for dinner-she suggested we stop at a nearby deli and pick up some sandwiches, then head to a county park located just outside the outskirts of River Rock for a picnic. I drove my car out there since it was quite a significant walk. She surprised me again, when I went to pick her up at her house around 6:30, she opted to wear another one of what seemed like a huge wardrobe of conservative ankle length dresses. It didn't really bother me, but it made me wonder why she wouldn't feel more comfortable in jeans or better yet shorts on such a warm evening. I imagine, to her mother, I dressed like a slob in my T-shirt and shorts. I also wondered if Heather wasn't subliminally sending me a message of her chastity. To tell you the truth, sex wasn't that big of a deal for me at that point in my life. Like I said before, if I wanted it-it was there. I was more interested in a long slow romance-it was more challenging. To me it was more fun to corrupt a good girl over time than fucking a willing sleaze during a one-night stand.

I didn't get a chance to check to see if she was wearing the pendant until we sat down to eat. This time she was really playing with my mind, she was wearing both the Black Heart and a crucifix. Heather had brought along a blanket for us to sit on. I sat opposite from her; she unpacked the sack of food. She said she didn't know what her major at college was going to be but she was leaning toward International Business. That nugget of information prompted her to ask about my trip to Europe. I said it would be my fourth journey across the big pond. I humored her with what little knowledge I could remember from my trips to the continent. My plane would be departing in a week and a half. Although I would be spending the rest of the summer there, the Mystery School where I would be staying was located in a remote area outside Marseilles and from what I understood the retreat would not leave much time for sightseeing, as most of it would be taken up with my Circle Studies. Not that that was a bad thing, I haven't said this before but I was being groomed for work within the Sect hierarchy. My father was an associate of a CEO from Peru Oil who has a friend who was fairly influential in the Order internationally. The plan was to have me spend my freshman year summer at Mystery School in France and then my sophomore summer I would then be in Washington at a DC think tank. From there, the plans get fuzzy, but from what I've been told, if I kept my nose clean I could have my choice of careers as well as a high ranking within the Sect.  

After we sat awhile, I suggested we take a walk. I reached for her hand to help her up, she never let go, and we walked hand-in-hand the rest of the evening. She led me down a dirt path into some woods, the park had a wonderful and well-connected trail system. Heather showed me a narrow creek down a small hill 50 yards from the path. This is where I bent down and kissed her. She didn't resist, rather she enthusiastically grabbed me, held me in a long embrace. We talked and kissed, kissed and talked. The time passed quickly and before we knew it, the woods were nothing but long shadows. We ended up back in the central portion of the park, near the children's play equipment. I offered to push her on the swing but she suggested I sit and have her push me. She giggled playfully as I sat, swinging back-and-forth. After a few pushes I leapt off and started running after her. She got on her high horse and began to run. Not very well, since she was wearing that long ancient dress, I caught up with her and gave her a big bear hug. She relented. It might be that we were getting more comfortable with each other or the exuberant flirting, but we were kissing more passionately now more than ever.

"You know what I like?" she whispered into my ear, barely out of breath.

"I know a lot of things," I replied.

"Is that so," she smiled in the darkness, "I'd like to know what else."

I stopped nibbling on her neck and spoke, "well," I said holding her Black Heart pendant in my fingers, "I know what this is."

I looked into her eyes to gauge her reaction.

She grew quiet, backed away from me-her face appeared as if she didn't know how to respond--an expression of aloofness, as if to say, 'what in the world are you talking about?'

I smiled to break the tension.

"Pardon me?" She finally said.

Now you must realize, I can't come right out and ask her if she's a member of the Circle. As an initiate, I could be killed if I breached the silent pact with anyone outside of the Order, so it put me in a precarious situation. I began to feel uneasy, maybe the fact that she was wearing the Black Heart had a perfectly legitimate explanation. Perhaps the Heart was more popular than I had thought. Though I sensed something about her reaction. Was it fear? Or maybe she thought I was beginning to act crazy. I had figured I'd gamble and see how she would react to such a cryptic remark. But now I was having second thoughts. Nevertheless, I thought I'd go for broke without breaking the line, "Aw c'mon, Heather-I'm one, too."

Heather eyed me closely, then remarked, "one what?"

I began to think I made a mistake in bringing it up-now she's definitely going to think I'm off my rocker. I tried to change the subject--"I'm sorry, I thought you wore that necklace because it was a symbol of your astrological sign-I'm a Pisces."

"The symbol for 'Pisces' is a fish," she corrected.

I stammered a response, she had me in a corner, "yes, I…No, but..." Her eyes pierced through my brain, "well…uh…a friend once told me that a heart is sometimes worn by Pisces."

"Oh," she replied, "actually, I'm a Taurus."

Although she acted befuddled and I looked like a fool, I secretly breathed a sigh of relief. I could have really screwed up. Now all I would lose was a potential relationship. Que sera sera.  Naturally, the date pretty much ended there, an uncomfortable conclusion which, up until the point when I made a fool of myself, had been a real nice evening. We walked back to my car, it felt too awkward to hold her hand again--sensing she was having second thoughts about going out with me. I had to ask her for directions to get out of the park and back to her house. Other then asking which way to turn, I remained quiet the whole time. Thoughts kept darting through my head about how careless I had been. I shouldn't have been so risky, and even worse the chances now of me getting the opportunity to corrupt this heavenly woman were a million to nil. By the time I pulled up in front of her house I had resigned myself to banging a few drunken high school chicks for the duration of my stay in bucolic River Rock. Take the whole episode as an embarrassing life lesson. Never open up your big mouth again, IDIOT! I shouldn't beat myself up, because it really could have been a lot worse. I mean, telling a highly religious person you're a Devil Worshipper could only lead to trouble. Very public trouble. Jesus, she may even round up the townsfolk and have me burned at the stake for crying out loud! Man Tom, you are so stupid!

I had settled down some by the time I reached her abode. I opened up the car door to let her out, when she leaned over to me, kissed me on the cheek, and whispered, "se ana satanis." It took 20 of the longest minutes of my life but I received a clear response to my cryptic remark. She essentially whispered, 'Yes, I am with Satan'.

I burst out laughing, "you are in the Circle, why did you leave me hanging so long? You bitch!" Heather cocked her head, smiled and said, "well, I like to see my men sweat."

Now I was literally breathing a sigh of relief. Of course she was using a phrase that only another initiate of the Children of the Divine Beast would know. Understandably, she wasn't sure about me and she wanted to be as careful as possible. I gave her my cell phone number and she said she would call me the next day.

 

 

 

HEATHER

I was 17 years old when I received the 6th Mark in the Order of the Beast. That's pretty good considering most people only attain the degree of the fourth mark, usually as a teenager, and very rarely reach above that degree for the rest of their life.

It was the early fall when the Sect Priestess received my Affirmation papers from Brussels. I had completed all obligations to attain the 6th mark except for the final test, or rite, which was no easy task and probably explains why very few people ever get to this point to begin with.

Of course the rite would have never been considered if my father didn't shell out $125,000 for the ceremony. Actually, the money came out of my college fund. I guess you could say that attaining the 6th Mark of the Beast in exchange for an expensive 4-year liberal arts degree was a good tradeoff, considering the 6^th Mark was a fairly significant milestone in my education anyway. Daddy gave me a choice between attending St. Olaf College in Northfield--which would mean delaying my Affirmation to who knows when--or attending the much cheaper public college in Mankato. In the end it was really a no-brainer.

You wouldn't believe all the preparation that is involved. It is so tedious. In the morning, my mother gave me a tea made from Yarrow--a herbal concoction that provides empowerment. The ritual required me to bathe in a purification bath, containing Hyssop, lilac and mugwort (both for protection), in the morning before the ceremony. Since it would take place during the Friday Black mass, I had to perform some of the rites during school. Thirteen hours before the start of the ceremony (11:00 a.m.), I had to excuse myself from class and go to the bathroom to drink a vial of Haslif. My friend Cassie anointed me on the forehead with the Mark of the Beast using lamb's fat laced with crushed Nettle cloves. Of course I had to wipe away the mark as soon as it was made so that no one else would see it in school. Although it didn't much matter whether any of the school officials saw the mark or not. Both the school principal and superintendent had plans to attend the ceremony that night. Other than the tea and haslif, I really hadn't consumed anything since the day before. The instructions require that I fast for at least 36 hours before the rite. At 2:00 p.m., exactly 10 hours before the start of the Affirmation ceremony, I again had to excuse myself from class and find a solitary spot in the building preferably near a window, face West, kneel and chant these words aloud: "Radular Torren L'Spawto, Radular Torren L'Spawto  O-lum," three times. Between 2:00 p.m. and midnight, I would have to repeat this performance every hour on the hour.

If all went as planned, a celebratory reception was set to take place at the ballroom in the Rockline hotel downtown near Schmitz Park along the Pine River. The ceremony was to take place at the base of a city Monument, an obelisk directly in front of River Rock City hall. I know what you're thinking, how could a ritual occur on the site at one of the city's most public landmarks. Here's the story, the obelisk was actually commissioned by a few Sect elders who, with the help of some like-minded city leaders, managed to have a secret altar constructed underneath the obelisk during some major street repair work two years earlier. The monument was actually installed at the confluence of energy fields where spiritual powers are said to be at its greatest in the city. At the time, only two rituals had been held there. Interestingly, the submerged temple is connected with the rest of the city's sewer system but is all but closed off from most city workers. Security around the holy chamber was so protective that only three initiates, that I know,  hold the key to the room. Above ground, the general public regarded the monument as an innocuous city landmark. Known as the 'Soldier's Tower,' it was dedicated to those who served in the Vietnam War. The obelisk* was inscribed in part: "To the men and women of River Rock who traveled to distant lands in order to defend the American way of life."

In an effort to avoid suspicion, all initiates attending the black mass did so at various entry points throughout downtown. After all, it would look rather strange for a group of 50 people entering city hall at 11:30 p.m. on Friday night, so initiates parked their cars in front of Sect businesses and entered the tunnel system from there or at the county courthouse four blocks away or from the police station down the street. Since everyone's vehicles would be scattered throughout the city no one would think twice about the extra traffic.

Judge Harry Torgelson and his wife, Maureen, were close friends of my family and made a special point to come. Maureen was the president of Local Pro-Life chapter and a devout evangelical Christian who was not only a good friend but also one of mother's best customers. Because he was close to my father, Judge Torgelson arranged all the legal work involved in the ritual. He worked with Angela's family in hammering out the details. Angela was a life-long initiate in the Sect and a year younger than myself.

Although I make it a point to know every Sect initiate in River Rock, I did not know Angela that well, save for the occasional greeting at the seasonal Circle festivals. The festivals, which occur four times a year upon the change of seasons, were the mandatory ritual that all initiates were expected to attend, save for the Christmas and Easter Black Masses. Angela didn't seem to be very enthusiastic over her Circle requirements. From what I was told by some friends at St. Michael's, she ran mostly with the stoner crowd at school. We had invited her to parties in the past but she ignored our overtures. This being the second week of September, Angela had just completed her first full week at St. Michael's Catholic High School, while I had completed my first full week as a senior at River Rock High.

Angela and her family entered the River Rock tunnel system through the basement of the State Bank of River Rock on Fourth and State, which was quite a long walk from the obelisk chapel on Main Street. They were still dressed in their street clothes and would change into their cloaks in a special catacomb just off and below City Hall. The family remained expressionless although I noticed Angela's mother smiled brightly and happily greeted me. I suppose she was happy for the $125,000 remuneration. I was already dressed for the occasion: mask, prerequisite leather gloves and black silk gown. I wondered later if I had appeared too anxious to Angela before the ceremony was set to begin. But the more I thought about it the more I realized I was doing the right thing and probably could have done more. I wanted her to hate me. Because much of what was happening, on an otherworldly basis, is that emotion, the real strong emotions that bind all humans together, makes them subject to authority. And hate can be a valuable resource. Every emotion imaginable has its place whether it be anguish, fear, relief or joy. The important thing to note is that now I had learned how to harness the emotions of others. And with Angela…Jesus, Thomas I could feel it! She was just dripping with sorrow and fear and ange